Reconnect.

It’s been a couple of months since it all began, but only recently have we began to talk consistently. Of course, others would expect me to assume that this is a time of new beginnings, of forgiveness, of change. & also, like always, they would expect negative outcomes over a certain timespan. Unfortunately, time and time again, they’ve proven themselves to be correct, and I am repeatedly disappointed in the fact that some things are just meant to be left behind. Tell me this: Once you’ve found something that changes your perspectives and your life in its entirety, and one major flaw fails you, can you leave it without struggle? I’ve found myself providing one too many chances, but over time I’ve learned to deal with it. These chances have reaped both good things and bad things; many times, I’m left with the bad things overwhelming the good. Every time, I tell myself, “I’m done. That’s it,” yet with each attempt at closure, I’m disheartened.

We’re in that middle point again, where we find that everything is going well and no one cares to interrupt. Instead, they watch. They watch and wait for things to fall apart. Perhaps this will work out for once. We’re in college now; people must have grown up.

Fingers crossed; let’s see some change.

An update for you folks.

I’m back from Palm Springs! A delightful experience, & I say that with much satisfaction. There was a lot of familiarity along this trip— familiar resort, familiar faces, familiar routines— and yet, there were still new experiences, new faces, and new perspectives. It was refreshing. Did a lot of reading, caught up with journaling, got back into the habit of photography, did some outdoor exercising, & started breaking into my new ESV Bible from my lovely cousin. :) Much rejuvenation with a dab of reminiscence. As much as I love the comforts of home, I’m longing for another summer escapade.

Short post for today, for I am exhaaausted. Hello, weekend!

Acceptance.

I may not be one to talk about this, but I’m excited for a real relationship. Emphasis on real. I’m tired of the whole, “boys will be boys” excuse; it ain’t cute anymore. Boys tire the crap outta me. Not being arrogant, but I’ve constantly surrounded myself with guys. I used to pride myself in that fact. Used to. TRUST— I was so dang tired of girls. Girls caused so much drama for me. Too much, but now I’m considering a Girls Night Out. I gotta give the guys props though. I enjoy having them open the door for me (when they do, of course. Sometimes, I’ll have to hold it open & wonder if the thought slipped their mind), I enjoy their huge warm hugs, I enjoy the awkward moments because they never really are. Except, you know when things just don’t work out? Oh, I know you know. Always makes me wonder— who’s trippin’? Usually I’ll say that both sides are at fault, but I can’t assume that for him. It’s mine. I was never ready for anything, & I’m still not ready for it (although many times, I really wish I were). My mind’s gotta be focused on my Best Friend & it’s not. My life’s gotta be a walking light, not only to myself, but to others, & it’s not.

In my last Tumblr post, I shared that my aunt met my uncle at 19. They’re happily married & their son is graduating from high school. That’s crazy! I’m 19 now. What an eyeopener. Things are so much different now.

Dang, I’m excited about a real relationship. Real love, that’s what I’m talking about. I’m talking about, honestly feeling that you’ll be with this person for the rest of your life. I’m talking about, being willing to make whatever sacrifices necessary for that person. I’m talking about, bringing that person closer to your Savior as opposed to being closer to you. I’m talking about, a 1 Corinthians 13 kind of love.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

That’s what I want; that’s what everyone should want. I admit, I get lonely sometimes. A lot of the time. I got standards for my man (hollaaaa) & they’re high, foreal. Well, not thaaat high, but high nonetheless. I’m not looking to play around. Ladies, they gotta be high. You don’t deserve any less. When I meet that guy, oh goooodness. He might even be in my life right now, who knows?! But hey, he’ll be around when I’m ready. It’s all in the timing. & I’m excited for that, I suppose.

But dang, I get lonely sometimes.

I can’t believe I’ve written this & decided to post this, but here I am exposing myself, folks. KBYE.

People person?

Real talk, tonight was awesome possums. (Okay, possums aren’t that awesome, but that’s not the point.) I love socializing, especially after a long absence from it. Been staying home a lot this week— out a couple times, but only with a few people. It might’ve been the sudden change in weather that lifted my spirits (Southern California has been super bipolar lately), it might’ve been what I was wearing tonight (Not too shabbyyy. Found my earrings!), it might’ve been the overwhelming return to live music— but whatever it was, it made me happy tonight. I feel wonderful. I love friends. I love new friends. I love new friends that are friends with my friends. & I love how, in the end, we just become one happy family. ALL IS WELL IN THE WORLD.

Sidenote: Oh man, you know which type of people I love meeting the mostestestest!? (Wow that looks… bad. But anyways) People that automatically make you feel comfortable. Like.. you can totally be yourself around them; forget the first impressions, it’s like you’re already tight with that person. You’re making jokes from the start. :) AHHH it makes me happy & excited to hang out with them again. & when we do see each other again, it’s like a freaking epic reunion. Nahmean?! See, you gotta keep track of those kids. Surround yourself with people like them. It’s healthy.

Oh, it could also be that I’m turning 19 on Saturday! Hollerrrr. I’d really appreciate it if you could all pray about Southern California’s weather that day. It’s kinda making me nervous, especially with the rumors about upcoming thunderstorms. Yikes! But either way, I’ll be chilling with some of the best people evarrr. & hey, what better way to bond than… being stuck.. in a house.. during a thunderstorm? YAY?! (….)

Kbye.

Update!

Ohhhhh my goodness. I haven't written here in almost a month! So terrible. But! I haaaave been writing DAILY on my Tumblr, so check it if you haven't already. You should get one. I've had one since.. February? & come on, I write daily. Come on. You gotta. (:

Anyhoos! I dunno, I miss writing. & I mean, legit writing. Okay, not that any of the writing I've done on Tumblr wasn't legit, but I mean... giving enough thought into my posts. Kind of?! I don't know how to describe it, but if you write as much as I do, you'll understand. I just miss writing. So here I am, 3:02AM, attempting to explain to everyone (& to myself, I suppose. We'll get through this together) why I've haven't been writing.

Possible (& most obvious) reason #1: Life. Is. Gooooood.
Seriously, though. Praise God! Since my last post, I battled through the last stretch of my first year of college & since then have been thoroughly enjoying my summer vacation. Thoroughly. I've been catching up with so many people at all these events that I've been missing out on because of school. That includes-- IAG sessions, random shows, C&C bible study, & just random lunches/dinners with whoever's been back in town. It's refreshing. Oh, & family time. Definitely more family time.

Possible reason #2: Writer's.. block?
Believe it or not, I'm finding it super hard to type all of this at the moment. I guess I haven't been too inspired to write anything with much meaning (which are always worth reading). I have, however, been going through a lot of old posts (Xanga, Blogspot, Tumblr) & I've realized that my writing style back then was waaay different. Real talk, I miss that. I sounded more mature & sometimes, I couldn't believe that I was the writer behind those words. That's what inspiration does to you. Oh how I miss it. :[

Possible reason #3: Could it be..? Loris has.. a LIFE?!
Yeah yeah, shut up. I've had a life outside of the internet. TRUST, it's always been a busy one. Anyone who personally knows me will agree that I live quite a bombbb life (not to sound arrogant, just a defense mechanism). But life's got a hold of me & perhaps it needs more of my attention right now than the internet world-- which is how it should be.

So with that, I hope you're all living it up right now. Whether it be your summer vacation, or if you're still in school, or even if you're a working adult-- something/someone, someWHERE, needs your attention. Get on that. Especially once you're done reading this. I don't know, I hope you're making something out of your life. Blogging & stuff is good, especially logging in things that you'll hope to remember (I've read so many posts with inside jokes that fly past my head. Bummer), but hey, you got a wonderful life ahead of you. Don't waste it. You're blessed with being alive.

I should listen to my own advice sometimes.

3:20AM. Goodnight, folks.