Every little thing about this past week (or rather, month) have begun to piece together. God really has His ways of speaking to you, & it's one of the most amazing revelations you could ever feel.
As March rolls along, it being my worst month of the year since 2004, I've begun to think of my restless feelings as normal emotions. I expected these feelings to arise as the month approached, as they do every year. Unlike those other years, however, the feeling has not intensified as the days passed. In fact, it has deteriorated. Enough to get me to a point of peace. That's where I find God.
Again, I've been thinking a lot about sacrifice. A lot about prayer. A lot about Scripture. Seems like every lesson has something to do with at least one of those three items. Coincidence? I think not. What a blessing it is to be alive. In fact, what a blessing it is to know that JESUS is alive & intercedes for us so that we may have that connection with God, our Creator.
Ate Liz shared this passage during discipleship sessions when I shared my struggles with my walk with God. He is so good.
Oh Lord, open my lips,
That my mouth may declare Your praise.
For You do not delight in sacrifice, otherwise I would give it;
You are not pleased with burnt offerings.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
A broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.
--Psalm 51:15-17 [nasb]
With that, here are the lyrics to my song. Keep in mind that this was written on Thursday (in less than an hour!), & discipleship sessions took place on Saturday. Isn't it craaaaaazy how God connects everything for you?! All I could think of when I read the passage was, "Wow, God. Really. Really?!" Awww yeaaaaahhhh. That's my song. (TURN IT UP!) (LOL, haven't heard that song in a while.) (Please tell me you know what song cameo I'm using. -_-)
Defining Sacrifice.
_v1.
What do You expect from me
So I could be the slightest bit closer to You?
Tell me, where do I begin?
I can barely get myself
To fathom Your name (& who is to blame?)
_pre-c1.
Lord, You are so good;
It's amazing how You lift me effortlessly.
I wanna give back to You.
A disciple is what You've called me to be.
_chorus.
A piece of my time?
A piece of my mind?
A piece of myself-- Am I willing to die?
What I use to sing?
What is there to bring?
What's there to give that's mine?
What defines sacrifice?
_v2.
What do You want me to say?
Tell You that this is Your day & that I will rejoice?
What deed can I do to please
Three-in-One & One-in-Three?
I am so small (Is it worth it all?)
_pre-c2.
You are great beyond compare.
I am eager to speak to You everyday.
Yet, I don't, so help me grow.
I want to make You my top priority.
_chorus.
_bridge.
Take me. Mold me. Use me & smile.
I was born to be Yours, so lead the way.
Take what's mine.
_endingchorus.
A piece of my time?
A piece of my mind?
A piece of myself-- Am I willing to die?
What I use to sing?
What is there to bring?
What's there to give that's mine?
This is my sacrifice.
An offer-- please, don't decline:
My heart.
My soul.
My life.
marks the beginning of March.Hello, year 6.Bring it.
I wrote a song today!
It's the first one I've actually finished. HAHA. I usually give up on a bunch of song ideas but this one just seemed to stick. It's actually a praise song. <3 The title's a work in progress but I think for now I'll call it "Defining Sacrifice."
Yep. Just wanted to blog about this because it's the most accomplished I've felt in a while HAAAH (:
So basically, I've been really caught up with being in awe of other people's talents. Whether it be creative writing, or music, or art, or design-- I always seem to be focusing on them. I guess this, right here, is my "me" time. I have a midterm tomorrow but I feel like I haven't written anything too honest about myself for a while, not even in my journal. I just need to pull some things together, back into focus, in order to put my whole being together. This is gonna be hard, but bear with me. In fact, stop reading, & check out the blogs on my Blog List. There's tons of goodies there.
First thing that came into my mind-- Relationships. No, not the lovey-dovey ones. Just relationships in general. I'm still trying to hold on to many of them, while making many more. How do you attempt to strengthen years' worth of friendships in one aspect of your life, then be expected to start back at square one in another? My days are occupied with switching back & forth between two different worlds. I feel like I don't give myself completely when I'm in either of them. I don't focus. I don't appreciate. I'm just ... there. I try working on everything simultaneously when in reality I should be taking it step by step, one by one. It's a work in progress but I think every consecutive conversation with an acquaintance helps. I feel better. Every joke, every agreement, every counterargument, every "hello," every giggle, every "goodbye" -- they mean something. No, I'm not saying that you should attach yourself immediately. I do (& I don't) have trust issues. I'm an open book but only selectively. It's odd, but I determine it all by the vibe I receive upon encounter.
Fact: I am jealous of those who live in both worlds with ease.
Hm. Perhaps I just feel set apart. The whole "alone in a crowded room" feeling. I feel close yet far away. In a nutshell, it sucks. I'm gonna reiterate my AIM profile & say that my heart is screaming & I don't know how to make it shut up. There's nothing wrong physically, but it really feels like my heart just wants to pop out & give up. It's trippy. Very trippy. Sort of like bad intuition. Bad intuition is trippy. However, I appreciate deja vu. Deja vu is trippy-- but in the coolest, trippiest way possible. I love deja vu & people do not understand why. Perhaps it's because of the fact that it's the closest you will get to reliving a moment. TRIPPY.
Anyways, I still feel sick to my stomach. I feel like crying, but I can't. & I won't. I refuse to cry for no reason. At least, none that I consciously know of. I am excited for the day of relief. These things don't come easy; life isn't easy. Just another bridge to jump over. Yes, jump. Maybe run... but I'm quite tired these days. Especially with my restless heart.
P.S. Today, I realized that I have very nice penmanship.
IS THIS NOT THE COOLEST TREE HOUSE EVER?!
courtesy of treehugger.com .
EDIT--------
Okay, we've got a bit of competition here.
Thank you, Abbey.
END EDIT----
