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I don’t think I’ve mentioned this to most of the people I’ve recently met, but I really love balloons. There’s some sort of magic in them that makes them so intriguing. With one in hand, I may think about everything & nothing at the same time. It’s a wonderful feeling— being carefree and ecstatic about .. life. Oh how I miss those days.

I love how we, just like balloons, come in different colors and shapes. We’re all different and of value to a special someone. We all have the potential to create happiness, and once gone, create sadness. Yet, inside of us, we have that same one characteristic that allows us all to become something greater than what we know. We exceed limits. We defy gravity. One small puncture, however, can bring us down; slowly, but surely. Although you might not have been completely torn off from this world, a lifeless balloon is just as useless and pathetic. So with that, I encourage you to stay alert & take care of yourselves. It seems that I become more disappointed with this world everyday. On the other side of the spectrum, this world could not have been more beautiful.

Finally it's my time to be lonely and lost, unloved and I can't wait.

This isn't Kansas.

Where is my home? My home resides in Southern California. Wonderful place, wonderful people. They say that “home is where the heart is.” If that’s true, then I suppose that I’ve told you an indirect lie. Where does my heart reside? I honestly don’t know.

The last couple of days have been wonderful; I’ve spent an adequate amount of time with family, friends, and even friends of friends… who eventually became friends. Well, acquaintances. But that’s definitely better than strangers. It’s become so natural for me to adjust to the environment— to be open enough to appear friendly, but concealed enough to make room for further acquaintance. There came a point in my life when I had already been read front to back by others, and yet, I was comfortable because my thoughts about them were alike in that aspect. That chapter of my life is sadly over. Stepping back & reviewing my place in the instances of these last days, I’ve come to realize that I haven’t felt completely comfortable with people outside of family in a long time. It’s unnerving watching friends as they turn to each other, laugh, make plans, and ultimately turn to you with the undeniable look on their face, expressing that maybe, maybe, they should be inviting you, too. So, they do. You know, just to be polite because even they know that you’re a bit out of place. You humbly refuse but they insist. So, you say yes.

I can’t count the number of times this has happened already. In a desperate cry to feel like I belong, I only hope to find the set of people who will gradually fulfill my need of self-worth in accordance with a somewhat oblivious mind.

Or, you know, it could just be me. Perhaps I just miss feeling an equal amount of dependence on the other side of the line.

Kbye.

Dehydrated.

Nothing's coming out the way I want it to. I write. & I write. & I write, but the end results sound very... "blah." Quite uninspired and evidently forced out of me, in an attempt to get back into the habit. I've fallen out of line & striving to come back. My energy hasn't been up to par. Even the words that come out of my mouth sound meaningless. I want to do so much, yet my lack of motivation and inspiration puts me at an abrupt stop. Perhaps one day, it will become possible for us to jot down our thoughts without putting in the effort to do so. (However, nothing's really worth it if you don't put in any effort.)

I swear my mind thinks way too quickly for my fingers to thoroughly process it all. How odd.

I was so overwhelmed with relief as I grabbed my journal & began writing, that I wanted to cry. Not kidding. It’s been a good 2 months without it. Shame on me. Let me just say that, it was like being reunited with a best friend & finally having the chance to talk about everything. I love it. Perhaps it’s due to the fact that I’ve felt a bit lonelier than usual. It’s a nice feeling, being able to approach someone (in this case, something) knowing that they can be trusted. No judging. No awkward moments. However, it also means no advice.

For some reason, I’m okay with that.

Just when I thought it was all over.

Something doesn't seem right. I'm not entirely amused with the possibility of having the world watch me struggle as I attempt to balance out past and present. I suppose this means that I've enjoyed enough of my spring break. Back to school. Back to the grind. All of the sudden, I have a lot on my mind. Or maybe I don't. Maybe I just feel overly uneasy. This is a March feeling. I don't like it.

I have a little over a month left & I am planning to finish strong. Maybe I just need exercise. Yep, endorphins. Endorphins are good.

Ciao.

PS. I have a feeling this has to do with bringing back my social life. Exiling myself brought me some consolation, but I had to be back in an attempt to rekindle relationships. Speak my mind, try to make them understand-- again. It doesn't help that I don't get the full story. Perhaps I just worry too much.

Wompskeez.

I have so many more guy friends than girl friends. WAY MORE.

To quote one of my favorite Ateh's: "Guy friends are good, but just be careful. I see those Facebook pictures." HAHAHA. But yeah...

Agreed.



Oh, holler @ the TUMBLR, which is updated daily with random whatnots. & the PHOTOBLOG hosted by me & my wonderful soulmate, Renabette San Antonio. It's running a bit slowly, but hey, you can't demand inspiration. It'll come. Eventually. & it will be worth it. TRUST.

& if you're not on Twitter, get at thaaaaat. It looks incredibly boring & dull, but it's surprisingly addicting.


P.S. I kinda wish I had a guy problem. -____________- Kinda. It feels really hopeless knowing that I don't, neither have I had one in a longgggg while. But apparently, the rest of the world has 'em, and I hear alllllll about it.

P.P.S. I'm glad I don't have any problems with that. (...yet? DUN DUN DUNNN.)

P.P.P.S. DAAAAAAANG, I just wanna have fun. Nahmean?!

Have you ever bought something that you thought was nice, then went home & wondered, "WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS I THINKING?!" -_____- Then you really try liking it & mixing/matching it with other things to make it look slightly more appealing to your eye? This is why I've always been afraid of spending money. I don't buy anything unless I really need it... so you probably shouldn't go shopping with me. (Although, according to Facebook, I'm a wonderful shopping companion. Let's go!)

The economy's insane right now. A couple days ago, my parents reconsidered buying me a new camera (an SLR, too!). It was tempting to say "YES, OF COURSE" but I responded with a "umm, nah, I don't really need it right now..." Ugh. Heartbreak. (Mind you, I've been asking for one since... oh, 9th grade?!)

If I could help my parents a bit financially, I would. Finding a job is tough these days, and it doesn't help that my parents don't even want me to work. There's a lot of uncertainty going on right now-- my family, my future, my friends, myself.

Okay, blah. Other stuff that I don't feel like elaborating on:

_I guess I'm still picking&choosing friends. I reaaally wanna stay friends with some people, but it's disappointing sometimes. Changing for the worse. It hurts even more when I let them know & they brush it off.
_What in the WORLD do I want to do with my life?! I kinda know. But, eh. Second thoughts?!
_Prayer works. Please please please remember that. It's so comforting.
_Maybe I'll go back to that fruit-only snack diet. The fruits that are in season right now are SOOO bomb. :) Go buy fruits!



Anyways. Back to my purchase.
I liked it this morning. We'll see how much I like it tomorrow.

Something is not the same.

[via robot-heart:

learn to fly (via aNne(♥))(via.)]

Basically how I feel right now. Everything’s going so well! I guess this is where people are like, “Loris, don’t jynx it!” but not gonna lie, I feel really proud of myself. Don’t you love it when hard work pays off? Prioritizing helps. So, so much. Separating myself from what only brought me down, helps. Having some of the most amazing people in my life… helps. (<3!)

So… I’m kinda just.. happy. Yaknow? Sometimes it may not seem like it, but dang, I feel really blessed. At times, I’m just sitting down trying to figure out what I did to deserve it all. In fact, I probably don’t. Actually, scratch out “probably.”

Life is wonderful. & I’m absolutely sure it is, because I am blogging at night & this post is not depressing. Something must be going right. “Something has changed within me; something is not the same!” HAAAAAH.

….I feel like I should say more, but this should suffice. You get the point.

P.S. Congrats! You made it to Thursday. More than halfway though the week. :) Hang in there, kiddos.

P.P.S. Okay, the fact that it’s ALLLLMOST spring break might play a role in this happy fest of mine. &WHAT!?

P.P.P.S. Hello, new followers! :) You guys are awesome. Thank you for putting up with my rants. Take it eaaasy<3